I Just Want To Be Alone Is Hilarious Husband One-Upmanship

Cover 300x250Hubby, The Hubs, Sir Stinks-Alot, My Hero, The Hotness – These are all nicknames I’ve heard my friends use when referring to their husbands. No doubt there is a story or two behind these monikers. I call my husband The Colonel, because at times he’s a bit like a drill sergeant in cargo pants.

In the new book, I Just Want To Be Alone, by Jen from the no-holds-barred blog, People I Want To Punch in the Throat, women are opening up about their husbands and sharing stories that are usually reserved for gatherings around bowls of queso and jumbo margaritas.

For the anthology, Jen hand-picked the best stories submitted by some of the most kick-ass, honest, funny, raw bloggers in bloggy-blog world.

I had the pleasure of spending time with Jen last year when we were fellow cast members  in the Listen To Your Mother show in Kansas City. Her debut anthology, I Just Want To Pee Alone, was a huge success. If Jen is involved, you want to be part of it.

When I found out she was putting together a collection of stories, I pictured her walking through the streets of bloggy-blog world playing a flute, attracting the attention of fellow writers like a petite foul-mouthed pied piper.

While reading I Just Want To Be Alone, I had several, “OMG, your husband cuts his toenails on the back deck in broad daylight too? Thank God I’m not alone,” moments. The book is not a Mean Girls Burn Book kind of collaboration, it’s a homage, really, to the men who simultaneously confound and complete us.

Each essay is a Whitman’s Sampler moment because you don’t know if you’ll be snort-laughing, crying or both.

In Mr. Sensitive, by Kristen of Life on Peanut Layne – I nearly blew Diet Pepsi out my nose when I read about the time she was venting to her husband and he replied, “Wait, so you mean to tell me that they only have one kid? ONE KID? That’s not parenting, that’s called, oops you just had sex a little too hard.”

In Bring on the Bees by Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year – I felt a kinship with the author because I also have a very handy Bob Villa-esque husband who has taken on a myriad of odd projects in our 15 years together, though none of them compare to the one in this story.

Finally, in Open Letter to my Son (Or: Your Mother’s Top Ten List of Ways Not to Be a Douchebag Husband) by Christine Burke of Keeper of the Fruit Loops, I started out thinking the essay was going to be a fun little giggle-fest (and it was), but as the mother of a 13 year old boy, it struck such a chord with me that by the time I reached #10 on the list, I was wrecked.

When my husband asked why I was crying after reading Christine’s story, I could only respond in partial sentences punctuated by nose-blowing – “She. . *sniff*. . this. . . about boys and how they should treat. . . *sniff*. . . women. . . but their mamas are their first love and. . . *sniff*. . . it’s just so good and I’m not ready for Jacob to get married yet. . . *waaaahhh*

Seriously, y’all, this book is sooooo good. I can’t wait for the next collaboration. Maybe this time, Jen could gather stories about pets and title it, “I Just Want To Walk To My Frigging Bathroom At Night Without Stepping In Cat Barf.” *shrugs* It’s a working title.



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